That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
