how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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