She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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