i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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