Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
