It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
