At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
