Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
