I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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