There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
