My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
