Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
being pregnant is like rehab
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
