fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
