I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
