The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
