it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He kissed a someone with a penis
She even gives head with a lisp.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
