my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize