I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
