mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
