is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
