I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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