i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize