dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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