It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
