Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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