So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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