It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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