So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
