I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
