drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
