Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
