i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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