I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize