She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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