i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
