I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
