Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
home. puking in laundry basket.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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