I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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