No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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