We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
