Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
