now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
