dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
