You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
