apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
