On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
