he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
