You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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