she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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