I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
