I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize