This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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