I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
