what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
