i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
