Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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