apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
