he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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