had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
