a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize