i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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