i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
