I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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