theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
