You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
