Dual....:-)
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's the barista slut.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
