if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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