i think my mom watched the whole time
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
