bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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