and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
