You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
