First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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