3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
