I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
