is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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