do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
