Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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