Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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