Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
