Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
