I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
