Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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