Please, let me fuck your mom
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
