I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
