is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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