He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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