i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize