im having a threesome with these popsicles
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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