don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
