I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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