I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
