Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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