i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
