So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
