He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
