I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
