Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
