I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
