went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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