I looked at my own cervix.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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