I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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