and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize