if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
