so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
