what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
