Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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