She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You pole danced in your parka.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize